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Readysetido.com Wedding Etiquette Guide
Etiquette is defined as rules governing socially acceptable courtesy and behavior.
Wedding etiquette is nothing written in stone; just some guidelines to help you get through your wedding without any social scrapes or bruises.
Here are a few guidelines, to help make the process flow more smoothly (some may be obvious, but we'll include them anyway):
- Never mention wedding gifts or the registry on the invitation. They can be mentioned, however, on a wedding website and the shower invite. Also, word of mouth works well.
- Never ask guests for cash gifts, even if you'd prefer them. It's okay to discuss with friends if they bring it up.
- Honeymoon registries are fine.
- Don't use wedding or shower gifts until after the wedding.
- If the wedding is canceled, all gifts should be returned.
- Gifts should be given to couples renewing their vows (a gift certificate to a restaurant or vacation related gifts are a good idea here), many ask that no gift or a donation to charity be given.
- Never make a wedding shower for yourself.
- Showers can be co-ed.
- Don't invite the same guest to more than one shower.
- Wedding gift thank you notes should be written within two weeks for gifts received before the wedding and within one month for gifts received afterward. A late note is better than no note. Bride and groom are each responsible for writing thank you's to their respective friends.
- A matron of honor is the head bridesmaid (she is married and is called the maid of honor if unmarried). She is responsible for the other bridesmaids, organizing the bachelorette party, folding back the veil, and holding the bouquet and gloves during the ceremony.
- The best man supports the groom in organizing the wedding, helps out on the wedding day and organized the bachelor party.
- Speech suggestions: father of the bride goes first, then the groom, then the best man (whose job is often to embarrass the groom). Some brides wish to make a speech too. Remember that when people are ready to party, it's a good idea to keep speeches short and sweet.
- Seating advice: don't put fighting relatives near each other; use table numbers, if possible, so they are easy for guests to identify; try to sit people together according to their relationship to you and each other; all you need is reserved tables, exact seating is stressful and unnecessary; only reserve the couple and their parents' seating; there is no rule for the head table, it can be the bride and groom alone or with whoever they choose.
- Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for: all reception costs, the bride's dress, bridesmaids' dresses (not shoes and accessories), invitations, flowers, music, photography, transportation for the bridal party, gifts for the groom and bridal party, and the cake.
The groom's parents pay for: the bride's ring, officiant fees, the rings, ceremony fees, attendant gifts, bride's bouquet, corsages and boutonnieres, rehearsal dinner, gifts for groomsmen, bride's gift, and the honeymoon.
In reality, of course, anything goes, depending on the circumstances. Some couples pay for everything themselves or parents help out any way they can.
Traditionally, just the bride's parents name was on the invitation, but this has changed. Now the groom's parents name appears, even before the brides, regardless of who pays for what.
Guidelines for guests:
- Wedding gifts should be sent to the bride before the wedding and to the couple soon afterward. Contrary to popular belief, guests do not have a year to send a gift. It should be sent right away or within three months.
- There is no rule regarding the size of the gift.
- Money is an appropriate gift in the form of cash, check or gift certificate.
- If the guest doesn't get a thank you within three months of sending the gift, it's okay to ask the couple if they received it. To find out earlier, check with the store.
- Don't assume the couple knows you are attending, send the response card.
- If not going, it is not required to send a gift (but it is nice to give something).
- If a guest arrives during the procession, wait until the bride goes down the aisle before going inside.
- Guests pay for their own lodging and transportation.
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